I’ve been so many people that I’ve started losing track.

Sometimes I believe that I am a mishmash of different personalities; a person carelessly sewn together from various characters.

I’ve begun to notice how I mirror the space I occupy- smiling and cracking one-liners at family dinners, and nodding and laughing on cue at school. A carefully crafted performance. Sometimes I like this flexibility, the ability to emulate my surroundings; and sometimes I hate it- it makes me question, which one of these personalities is the “real” me?

There are moments when I feel fragmented, as if I exist in layers. I wear my masks so well, I forget which one belongs to me.

And I am agonizingly aware of every laugh, every sound, every flicker of movement around me- sometimes I wonder if there’s a way to remove this mad lens through which I am forced to view the world.

Perhaps multiplicity is not madness; it is the sign of a soul too large for one shape.

I don’t think I can turn it off – and maybe, I’m not meant to reconcile my personas, but rather navigate the many cacophonic versions of me.

Yours truly,
Divi