“She should be raped.”

Misogyny in our society is found in even the most subtle conversations – sometimes, it arrives in the form of tactless laughter behind you in a school bus.

A few days ago, I overheard a 10th grade boy in my bus say that a girl deserved to be raped because she was “annoying.” The statement was so casually spoken – careless as if he did not understand the true weight of his words, so blithe that I questioned whether I had heard him right.

What disturbed me the most was how fast the comment dissolved into the humid summer air. Nobody seemed shocked, not even the girls from his friend group. Has violent language towards girls become so embedded into modern-day humor that it no longer feels alarming enough to acknowledge?

We often imagine misogyny as something obvious – dramatic incidents, explicit hatred (though this particular scenario was explicit enough), visible acts of discrimination; but many of these comments are so deeply entrenched in daily conversation and media that people tend to ignore it.

Teenage girls become familiarized with this scenario far too early.

We learn to read the eyes of everyone on the street. To keep quiet when expressing discomfort openly risks us being labelled as “dramatic”. To not become someone incapable of taking a joke. To cover ourselves, to keep our eyes directed towards the ground.

The problem is far larger than one singular conversation overheard on a bus. It is the fact that as soon as girls read this, many will be able to recall similar moments from their own lives: loudly made casual remarks, comments in school corridors, and bigoted comments passed off as jokes by the “Schrödinger’s douchebags”¹ of the world.

The following question, then, must arise as well – what is the cause of sexism, misogyny, and rape culture in India? We have blamed women’s clothing, women’s behaviour, “modern culture,” the internet – even chowmein:

“To my understanding, consumption of fast food contributes to [rape]. Chowmein leads to hormonal imbalance evoking an urge to indulge in such acts”.
– Jitender Chhatar, 2012

The statement is ludicrous enough to be laughable; until we realise how familiar this victim blaming culture really is. Conversations surrounding violence against women often become elaborate exercises in avoiding male accountability.

In a culture that blames chowmein for rape, a teenage boy joking about sexual violence barely feels shocking anymore.

Yours truly,
Divi

1 – “Schrödinger’s douchebag” refers to a person who makes offensive or inflammatory remarks and characterizes these statements as either sincere or joking based on the reactions of others.