Hey there!

I realised recently that I’m perceived very differently by different people- because, let’s face it, we all end up playing slightly different versions of ourselves depending on who’s company we’re in. By nature, I’m an incredibly self-conscious person at school, so half my social battery is quaffed in just overthinking, visualising, and trying to influence others’ perception of me. It’s exhausting.

There’s the “nerdy” version in class, the student who has all the answers but doesn’t care to interact with others. Then there’s the outgoing, sociable me- who comes out only in the company of friends close enough to speak up to, but not close enough to break down my personal sky-high walls for. Then there’s the “chaotic mom friend” me, which I think is the closest to who I really am. This friend doesn’t hesitate to speak up, to be herself (mostly), and to leave stilted conversations behind and just talk genuinely.

(The downside of this friend, though, is that she can also be really, really awkward sometimes. I guess with the constant fear of disappointing the person you’re talking to, it’s hard to keep the conversation flowing- especially when you’re trying really hard to come across a certain way to them.)

Before I get carried away with ranting, I’d just like to drop in a quick note: most people- even if not especially diffident- come across very differently from a distance as compared to when you actually get to know them.

For this reason, I’ve always found the phrase “don’t judge a book by its cover” to be a little misleading.

Because honestly, when I pick up a book — even if the cover did catch my eye — I can’t actually judge its quality until I’ve read more than just the opening lines. The first few pages rarely reflect the depth, chaos, or beauty that comes later. And it’s the same with people. We make snap impressions based on surface-level things, but it’s only after a few chapters that we start to understand who someone really is (and even then, we’re probably still misreading them.)

It’s weird, isn’t it? We end up becoming fragments of ourselves and what what people expect, so much so that we can lose track of who the real version was in the first place.

The idea of this blog post (apart from incessantly ranting) is not to tell you to stop pretending to be someone else, or to be more confident- because that is simple human nature and somewhat inevitable. All I want to do is help you realise that you’re not along in facing this- and that you don’t owe other people consistency, you owe yourself honesty.

So with that profound (and slightly cheesy) thought, I’ll log out.

Yours truly,
Divi