I recently went to a wedding, so I thought I’d write a wedding-season special- how to survive the Indian Wedding.

1. Social Experiment

Observe people like you’re a journalist writing a satire piece. It’s always incredibly entertaining to rate sarees, decode drama, and figure out comebacks to spiteful comments by aunties (which you’ll never have the guts to actually verbalise).

2. The Photographer

Take photos of aunties and their glittering sarees and lehengas like you’re the hired photographer. “No, turn slightly… yes, perfect.”

This is also a perfect way to conveniently avoid being roped onto the dance floor 😉

3. Dance (If You Have the Guts)

The four ways to dance at an Indian Wedding are:

1. The full-out planned choreo (impressing the relatives with this one)
2. The nod + bhangra arms
3. Pretending to vibe while gradually backing off of the dance floor
4. The pro move: Avoiding dancing altogether by always having either a camera or a plate of food in your hand (warning: near impossible! There will almost always be a relative waiting in the shadows)

4. Fashion Scouting

Find the best and worst outfits (and the outfit that should literally be illegal). Keeps the brain entertained.

5. The Kulfi Guy

He appears only once- for the Chosen One.
He disappears.
Is he a myth or a reality?

It’s your job to find him now…

6. The Mehendi Romance

Having mehendi on your hands can also result in Bollywood-style romance: the temporary helplessness when lifting a samosa feels like a tactical mission.

And then someone (maybe a person you secretly hoped would notice) grabs the plate for you and feeds you.

It’s both silly and intimate- laughing because the bite is too big, or waving your hands around in pain because you just burned your mouth.

(Or, realistically speaking, you end up either hungry or with your mehendi smudged because there’s no one available to help you…)

7. Feeling Bad for the Bride

Among all the guests and all the family, one person is the true silent sufferer… the Bride.

Caked up with makeup and wearing a five-kilogram lehenga, waiting for two hours for the baraat to come, the Bride will most definitely be bone-tired by the end of it all. Having to carry yourself (and several kilos of clothes and jewellery) for that long is no easy feat, folks!

8. The Shaadi Bingo

Someone says, “Beta, tum next ho!”	Kids running around like stray bullets	That one drunk uncle taking the dance floor by storm
Bride’s entry feels like a Netflix intro	A relative asking, “Beta, pehchaana?”	Awkward small talk: “Kitne bade ho gaye ho!”
Someone complaining about the food	Snobbish commentary by aunties	That sweet moment when someone narrates a childhood story, only for more people to join in

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In the end, every Indian Wedding feels like a beautifully chaotic film set: slow-motion entries, gossiping, emotional close-ups, and background tracks.

And no matter how much I complain, I’ll always be mentally planning outfits for the next one and taking my heels off to hit the dance floor for a song that’s my jam.

Desi weddings are not for the faint of heart- but for those who can handle a little chaos, they’re the best concoction of glitter, drama, gossip, and good food!

Yours truly,
Divi